Motivation & Renewal

Wow, what a week! I went from hosting a healthcare reform rally on Tuesday-- to completing my income taxes in order to file college financial aid forms for my son on Wednesday-- to kicking off a new website design project for a uniform retailer on Thursday-- to prepping for a meeting with students this evening to help coordinate a fundraising project-- and lots of mini-projects in between-- Whew, time to take a deep breath and chill for a second.

Despite the fact that I am wondering how I will ever meet all of my deadlines [particularly when, due to technical difficulties and a somewhat slowed thinking process, it took me two hours to complete a thank you letter this morning], I am approaching these projects with a renewed sense of motivation and purpose. That sense of motivation and purpose was spurred on by several things that happened this week:

The first, was the simple thank you I received from my son for his birthday letter that I blogged about earlier in the week. A reminder that something must be sinking in.

My second dose of renewal came upon hearing a healthcare horror story from one of the rally participants on Tuesday. This participant was dealing with a very serious health condition that could have been prevented if he had received health care earlier on in the process --health care that he couldn't afford because he could not afford insurance. Telling this story brought tears to his eyes, a reminder that for many this struggle is very personal.

My third dose of renewal came at the end of Presidents Obama's State of the Union speech.

"But remember this -- I never suggested that change would be easy, or that I could do it alone. Democracy in a nation of 300 million people can be noisy and messy and complicated. And when you try to do big things and make big changes, it stirs passions and controversy. That's just how it is....We don't quit. I don't quit. Let's seize this moment -- to start anew, to carry the dream forward and to strengthen our union once more."

... a reminder that this struggle will not be easy, and that victory only goes to those who stay in the race.

And lastly, while completing my taxes, I kept trying to figure out what was going wrong with the tax preparation software I was using in that I was ending up paying 0% on capital gains I had decided to take in my year of underemployment. As it turns out nothing was wrong. I owed nothing. It made me truly realize there must be something wrong with a system where I owed taxes on my earned income, but nothing on unearned income. This fueled me with even more incentive to continue on in the struggle to regain some degree of balance in this country between corporations, the wealthy, and those of us who work for a living [or did at some point -- almost forgot I don't really qualify as part of that group these days].

And so, I forge onward.

Transitions

My oldest son turned 18 today. I wanted to write him this moving letter that he would keep for the rest of his life. It was supposed to be about me letting go, hoping that I had equipped him well for life -- about him becoming a man and what that meant. But for some reason, today, I just didn't feel that eloquent. I spent hours putting together a montage of photographs from all the many houses we've lived in, and ended up sharing with him the few thoughts that came to me about life and growing up. For me, being a mom is all about doing my best, whatever my best is that day. Today I just wanted him to know that I loved him, was proud of him, and want him to experience the greatness that life has to offer with a balance of courage and humility.

After all my work crafting the very brief letter, he shared with me, with utmost sincerity, that it was a really nice letter. His appreciation made me glad I had tried. But, he also shared with me that I had a typo. Even with all the software graphics problems I was having, I did take the time to give him a corrected version. I wonder which one he'll keep. The one with the typo is so me.... I almost started not to change it.

On Compromises

One of the things I love about working from home, from my kitchen is that I feel like my office mates are the animals in my backyard. I still hate that the deer eat up everything in my yard, but I love the fact that they are there. So many times when I turn my head away from my computer screen to pause, or just think, I’m staring at one of my office mates. It could be a cardinal, a blue jay, a woodpecker, a fox, or my most frequent companions, the deer, staring back at me. Would I give up my officemates for some beautiful flowers or thick, green shrubs? No. Would I trade the light, welcoming, outdoor scent for the heavy offensive smell of deer repellant? No.

I guess life is full of compromises. This is one of the coveted win:win scenarios. I think all of us officemates are happy. They get food and cozy places to rest. I get company – and amazing, calming company at that.

In Celebration of King Day

It’s funny, each year I never plan far enough in advance to actually do something really meaningful in celebration of the holiday honoring Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Today, I intend to change that. Although it’s true that I haven’t really planned anything (and it’s already 12:00 p.m.); I have already used the day to remind people (via Facebook) of some of the ideals that Dr. King stood for. The most meaningful ideal for me is his stance on non-violence and activism. I think this country is at a point where its citizens can no longer sit idly by and let things happen. We really do have to take a stand. Additionally, the cause of non-violence is particularly relevant in this age of terrorism and pre-emptive violent actions. I believe Dr. King was totally on target with his belief that war and methods of violence are truly outdated leaving both the perpetrators and the victims worse off than before the initiation of the conflict.

And so, on this day I resolve to take further action to continue to advance the principles Dr. King stood for, and most importantly, I will start today!

Everyone Has Something to Teach

Last night I found myself watching the movie "Tyson". It's true, his life has been a bit of a train wreck, but I am intrigued by the stories of people who have achieved the pinnacle of success in their chosen profession. I find they seem to share a single minded focus and dedication to achieving that one thing. As such, I found I had something to learn from listening to Mike Tyson talk about his life. It reminded me of a quote from George Washington Carver, "There is a use for almost everything." In this instance, the movie got me thinking about the necessity of a single minded focus.

Being the person who I am, a person with multiple interests, I wonder if a single minded focus is the right thing for me. This kept me from blogging for quite a while as I couldn't decide how I wanted to "brand" myself online and how it might impact any future employment initiatives. I also recall times in my life where I did focus primarily on achieving some major goal, and with hard work and perseverance achieved it, beyond what I had truly believed to be possible.

It seems that the answer is staring me in the face. Yes, focus is critical; I just need to be sure to choose something that encompasses a broad range of my skills and interests.

The One Year Anniversary of My Layoff

So, I can't believe it is the one year anniversary of my lay-off. One year ago today, I was at home trying to figure out what to feel, what to do next, and how to put my life back together. It was a time of tears and relief, but definitely a moment I don't want to live through again.

Since that time I have written a book (that is yet to be published), indulged my right brain, dabbled in politics (strictly from an advocate point of view), focused on family and health, watched several soccer games, gotten on my teenagers nerves, played "housewife", caught up on the latest marketing trends in web & social media, and generally, as my aunt puts it, "practiced retirement."

But the reality is, I am still trying to figure it out. And there is one part of me that said, don't let this anniversary pass without acknowledging it. And, more importantly, don't let this next year pass without figuring it out.

And so, my challenge is to figure it out....to find myself before I turn fifty which is just over 13 months away. Besides, I'll need to figure something out to actually bring in an income.

I think I'll use this blog to help me get there.